This past week I have been thinking a lot about what spirituality looks like and how to move beyond my own distortions of what a God/The Spirit looks like. Often when I think about God, I think of someone who is allusive, uncaring, judgmental and unfair. Though my religious upbringing was filled with many wonderful spiritual connections and memories, when the road gets tough it is easy for me to focus more on those who have hurt and failed me, and the teachings that seem to leave me stuck.
How do I surrender my life to something that doesn’t feel solid? Where do I find this rock that feels real and brings me peace? For me it begins with finding a little bit of openness, to watching for the spiritual, for sensing what works. What truths brings me to grace and love? If I can clear the slate, something new may be able to enter.
What I want to believe, what feels spiritual to me: There is something powerful and spiritual when I look at the mountains and the ocean, when the leaves change in the fall, when thunder strikes in the sky, when plants grow, and when a baby is born. I also feel a spiritual power when I truly connect with people, when I take in love and grace, when a coincidence seems beyond my understanding, when I meet a soul mate, when wisdom and clarity come in a time of need. I can feel something different when I hear or read a truth, when people’s lives are an inspiration, when someone forgives me for my wrongdoings, when I give grace from somewhere beyond me. I feel something powerful when in a meeting of people sharing their hardships and people give compassion and kindness, when I am meditating, when I am listening to inspirational music, when I move forward in recovery and healing. I feel a sense of humanity and spirit when I am humble, serving others, in need, and vulnerable. There is something amazing that happens in yoga and when running, being intuned to my body and what has been given to me. I feel a release when I am grateful.
I can trust that the Spirit is not people, things or places. It can be in all of these things, but it is not these things. People bring both the spirit and the human, religious people do the same. None of us can claim to truly know all about the spirit or about his/her truths – this is why it is called faith.
May the truth continue to reveal itself to me, may the Spirit guide me today.
Chronic Pain Journals 
hi, I was raised in a enviorment where church was required and I made a profession of faith when i was a child. i began to doubt my salvation when i was 13 and God not only saved me, but also intervened in my life from committing suicide. i don’t say that lightly. i have my story on my blog. as an adult, i too questioned God’s goodness. why would He allow x, y, and z to happen to others while all i was asking was for a baby. my health declined and so did my faith in God. then i took stock of my life. two more times as an adult, i was about to go and empty all my pills into my mouth. my husbandbwho is a heavy sleeper, awoke to check on me as he had a feeling something was wrong. then there have been other times when God, through ppl, has provided answers to specific prayers or needs. for instance, a friend that i haven’t seen for many years wants to come over and rephotogragh all my products on my soap shop website! There are so many other little things God has provided recently. The seed money for the soap business was a gift from a friend. He said, “i was praying for you and God wants me to give this too you. I don’t why. I would like you to have it.”
God can reveal Himself to you if are truly seeking truth. Ask the hard questions. Some of the greatest ppl in the Bible questioned God. If you don’t understand still, ask more questions. Then wait!
Thank you for sharing. Glad to hear that God has revealed Himself to you in some amazing ways. I appreciate your encouragement, and will keep asking the questions and watching for the hope around me. Blessings to you.