How best do I cure myself when I start acting like a crab? I am feeling irritable because too many things are not going according to my plan and time-table. I could write a whine a log, but generally that will just make me a whining crab and not really help me feel better. The simple version is I am feeling overwhelmed because my husband is out of work, I can’t work, conflicts with people, I have some cold/illness that is clinging on, the joys of fibromyalgia and my knees still hurt. So maybe it isn’t all that simple, yet I really don’t like feeling angry and frustrated.
I must admit, just coming up with my title post, put a smile on my face. For some reason, that stems back to early childhood, shoes have a way of altering my mood. With over 50 shoes in my closet or in the garage, I have plenty to choose from without even leaving my home. The shoes I wear the most are more on the practical and sporty end, since the majority of the time I leave the house it is to do something active. I wear my Adidas tennis shoes for running, walking and racquetball several times a week. My soccer cleats, not the ones my younger daughter has conveniently made her own, but the other pair, are used for soccer practices/games 3-5 times a week. Though I prefer the soft leather Pumas, over the other 3 I own, I would rather have my daughter be successful on the field with a great pair of shoes I happened to find on clearance for about 25% of the cost. My black Teva sandas are my favorite shoe in the summer. Keeps my feet cool, but allows me to run and hike if need be. I have discovered I can even kick a soccer ball in them, they truly are the best. My favorite winter boots are my Uggs. I think I spelled that right. I used to make fun of people willing to buy such expensive shoes until I tried on a pair at Nordstrom Rack. I immediately fell in love, and figured I deserved to not have my feet hurt. After trying to rationalize to my daughters the cost of the shoes, I called my husband and asked if I could have them for my birthday. The wonderful husband he is, said “yes”. The other 40+ shoes I own are used so much less frequently. My black leather boots are the next highest and then some clunker platform type of heals. Being 5’4 (on a good day), I like the extra height but can’t walk in narrow heals. Platform shoes don’t look as elegant, but makes me feel taller and some days more powerful.
Today I have several options to change the course of my day. Hiding in a shoe box would give me some momentary relief. I could escape from people for a little while, so that in my tiredness I don’t say something I will regret. I hate feeling out of control with my emotions around other people. Unfortunately this happened a few times this past weekend. I can feel safe in my box, free from making decisions, bring my i-pod for some music, and hang out with my shoes :). A little break could be a good thing, but eventually I will want OUT. Though boxes are fun to draw when I am bored, I don’t particularly like the limitations and would need to create a skylights so I could fly away. Buying a new pair of shoes would be a great way to go. I could spend the day shopping for a new pair of boots or sandals. I could find something with some zeal and show off to my family while ignoring their looks of “not again”. Though the truth be told, I don’t feel like shopping, well maybe on Craigslist. Perhaps after the post….
The surprising thing is I now feel energized and clear-headed. Amazing what a shoe talk can do. I may not be able to run today, but I can go for a walk and listen to some music. I can do some Internet browsing to dream a bit, maybe plan ahead for my birthday shoes, October isn’t far away. I also am capable of making apologies to the people I lost my temper with. I can have conversations with people and learn to communicate better when I am tired. Part of life is learning and growing.
On the shoe note – my plan is to see how many different shoes I can wear today. I can do my hiding on the couch for some rest time and Internet shopping. Maybe I will buy a new pair of shoes today – but if I don’t – I will be sure to really experience the feel of the shoes I already own. Perhaps start with some slippers —–AAHHH.
Chronic Pain Journals 