Do I buy new shoes or hide in a shoe box?

How best do I cure myself when I start acting like a crab?  I am feeling irritable because too many things are not going according to my plan and time-table.  I could write a whine a log, but generally that will just make me a whining crab and not really help me feel better.  The simple version is I am feeling overwhelmed because my husband is out of work, I can’t work, conflicts with people, I have some cold/illness that is clinging on, the joys of fibromyalgia and my knees still hurt.  So maybe it isn’t all that simple, yet I really don’t like feeling angry and frustrated.

I must admit, just coming up with my title post, put a smile on my face.  For some reason, that stems back to early childhood, shoes have a way of altering my mood.  With over 50 shoes in my closet or in the garage, I have plenty to choose from without even leaving my home.  The shoes I wear the most are more on the practical and sporty end, since the majority of the time I leave the house it is to do something active.  I wear my Adidas tennis shoes for running, walking and racquetball several times a week.  My soccer cleats, not the ones my younger daughter has conveniently made her own, but the other pair, are used for soccer practices/games 3-5 times a week.   Though I prefer the soft leather Pumas, over the other 3 I own, I would rather have my daughter be successful on the field with a great pair of shoes I happened to find on clearance for about 25% of the cost.   My black Teva sandas are my favorite shoe in the summer.  Keeps my feet cool, but allows me to run and hike if need be.  I have discovered I can even kick a soccer ball in them, they truly are the best.  My favorite winter boots are my Uggs. I think I spelled that right.  I used to make fun of people willing to buy such expensive shoes until I tried on a pair at Nordstrom Rack.  I immediately fell in love, and figured I deserved to not have my feet hurt.  After trying to rationalize to my daughters the cost of the shoes, I called my husband and asked if I could have them for my birthday.  The wonderful husband he is, said “yes”.  The other 40+ shoes I own are used so much less frequently.  My black leather boots are the next highest and then some clunker platform type of heals.  Being 5’4 (on a good day), I like the extra height but can’t walk in narrow heals.  Platform shoes don’t look as elegant, but makes me feel taller and some days more powerful.

Today I have several options to change the course of my day.  Hiding in a shoe box would give me some momentary relief.  I could escape from people for a little while, so that in my tiredness I don’t say something I will regret.  I hate feeling out of control with my emotions around other people.  Unfortunately this happened a few times this past weekend.  I can feel safe in my box, free from making decisions, bring my i-pod for some music, and hang out with my shoes :).  A little break could be a good thing, but eventually I will want OUT.  Though boxes are fun to draw when I am bored, I don’t particularly like the limitations and would need to create a skylights so I could fly away.  Buying a new pair of shoes would be a great way to go.  I could spend the day shopping for a new pair of boots or sandals.  I could find something with some zeal and show off to my family while ignoring their looks of “not again”.  Though the truth be told, I don’t feel like shopping, well maybe on Craigslist.  Perhaps after the post….

The surprising thing is I now feel energized and clear-headed.  Amazing what a shoe talk can do.  I may not be able to run today, but I can go for a walk and listen to some music.  I can do some Internet browsing to dream a bit, maybe plan ahead for my birthday shoes, October isn’t far away.  I also am capable of making apologies to the people I lost my temper with.  I can have conversations with people and learn to communicate better when I am tired.  Part of life is learning and growing.

On the shoe note – my plan is to see how many different shoes I can wear today.  I can do my hiding on the couch for some rest time and Internet shopping.  Maybe I will buy a new pair of shoes today – but if I don’t – I will be sure to really experience the feel of the shoes I already own.  Perhaps start with some slippers —–AAHHH.

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