In the car staring out the window. So beautiful outside. Views of trees, mountains and sunny skies. Unfortunately my stomach is in knots. As I look out the window, the only thing I can see is the cliff to my right. I take peaks here and there to see what danger element is in front of me, as I feel the terror of crashing over the ledge.
My fear began as a child. I can remember being in the car and looking at the cliffs. Car rides not always pleasant, wondering if my dad was really watching the road. We never had an accident, but I can recall a few turn arounds and near misses that seemed deadly to my young eyes.
As a child, I also had many nightmares of falling off a cliff. I can remember vividly the cliff near our house that we drove by at least weekly. This was often the spot for my nightmares to catch hold.
In order to cope with drives I find ways to tune out. I am listening to my favorite tunes and doing some kakuro. My mind is occupied and the music soothes me.
Though my fears continue, my nightmares have ended. About four years ago when I was doing some intense healing work I had the dream again. I was driving in the car, and it went off the cliff. I could feel my stomach drop and my fear increase. However, instead of waking up out of panic, the next part was completely different. As I stayed with the fear, I was able to control the car and landed in peace. I woke up immediately and was taken back by the experience. Something internal clearly happened as I have never had a cliff nightmare again.
Now if I could only alleviate my fears of cliffs. For now, I will just have to listen to music, tune out and pray and enjoy the sporadic moments where I can look up and take in the beauty around me. Perhaps in the future my healing work will progress to my current reality and completely eliminate my cliff fears. One can always hope :).
Chronic Pain Journals 